Before I Forget

the idea of "He's Just Not That Into You" is that if a guy wants to call you, he will. If he likes you, he will make the effort. And if he doesn't, that means he's not interested. "If you don't know what's going on, nothing's going on." And nothing was.

Girls always try to figure out every sign from boys. Whats that means? Will he call me? What if he just FORGET give me a call? Then we become freak, hold mobile all day long, waiting for his text and call.

We just can’t accept that he’s just not that into you.

my girlfriends is crush on a boy last summer, they worked for few months and  was a little bit hanky-panky for a while. He is charming and gentle. I met him and went out once, after we leave United States, they still keep in touch about a year.

Most of time she contacts actively, he seldom reply in no time, maybe two or three days later even longer. At first a couple of months we still try to figure out what’s going on, we try to analyze every signs even vamp up some excuse for him because we still believe that he is a good man, he supposed has some reason that cause the situation. Maybe he is not ready to have a long distance relationship, maybe he is too busy for school life and internship. Maybe he just seldom use internet so reply the e-mail very slow. As time goes on, I lose patience and confidence on him. I start to doubt maybe he’s just not that into her. But I cannot bear to tell her ,that’s what we can do just wait and see. Till this summer I moved to London, she back to United States for internship for a year, we thought it is on rare occasions! And finally they can meet again! It should be very romantic and excited. She planned to back to the city where he live, and planned to take a trip for a week. Every thing sounds like perfect and romantic (basically, he mention about “ I wannna marry you” on the phone , so it seems like there must going to happened something amazing)

Monday morning, she checked the mobile while waiting the boarding, she received a text form his number, it was his little brother and told her he was on a traffic accident and in the ER now. Its unbelievable and too dramatic. When she call me and cried out loud on the phone I just cant believe what I heard. Few hours later, she arrived the city and paged the taxi to hostel where she booked in case any accident.

Till midnight she still cant find him, (well, he just text her he still alive , then no more, and never mention about catch up or anything else) then he just disappeared.

I totally can realize her disappointed and anxious. I worried about him all day too. I was very scared , scared he will die and how do I give her comfort? Moreover I planned to buy the ticket just fly to U.S. till now we still cant find him. He never answer the call even I try to contact with his brother still in vain.

She was so sad and just wanders in the streets , and if he still not show up , she is afraid has to change the ticket.

its snowing everywhere! and its snowing in New York now.
i saw Noah's status on FB he shoveled snow hardly and it looks bloody freezing there.Listen to the weather forecasts on the radio or TV , there are so many snow storms in U.S.

 
Ever year , people die when blizzards hit certain parts of the country . till now, about 17 or more American die by snow storm .

 
anyway, i think most of friends are safe. and its going to Christmas holidays, Dave is flying to New Jersey with his family. Vivien is going to Finlad for her internship around six months, im so envy hee cuz she can visit Santa's hometown. Cheryl just finish the exchange semester and going to San Francisco with her aunti. my boo Claire is going to Orlando to see him next week. Im a little nervous and worry about her but i wish that every things gonna be ok . Deng is in UK with her fiance. Chi jut married and i guess maybe she will move to Germany or still live in Lonod for rest of her life.

Its hard to describe why i feel so empty and upset. or i just cant stop thinking about him. Few months ago we were planned to stay at Liverpool or visit Scoltland for my winter vacation. but its totally in vain cuz we broke up.  I think people suck at relationships is because they analyze everything too much, or I just feel ashame to admit I want to enjoy my youth first then later on look for my so called "soul mate" or I do not play around but I just know he is not the one. I was so sorry to hurt him but at least i dont need to pretent I love him anymore. I guess I always out of control during  living abroad or travel , I remember that I met two French boys when I was in Barcelona, we drank Whisky mixed coke, cheesse with bread , play french trick and he use pool English to invite me go to his bed. he said that " Life is short, just relax and enjoy that." well bascilly i refused him , however I just wonder what kind of lifestyle or crazy green day is waht I want or what i need.
Winter is a lonely season and its snowing in my deep herat. I have no mood to celebrate the Christmas' Eve . But i just thinking where I can go , where I can escape.

I just feel that another day has gone ,I'm still all alone,and I still cant find somewhere I belong...

Some people they are just very lucky, they could exactly knows that what they want or what they need. Some people they work hard but in vain , some got lucky.Some people can find the one easily or love some one madly but I have no idea why I just cant. Or for love, I still too silly and unpractical. I am a loser.Today I just saw Mel’s blog, she is a lovely American girl, visited Taiwan alone to learning Chinese. What a brave girl! When she first came here she could barely speak any Chinese, but she wasn't that scared though she was determined to speak Chinese.

I've been to Spain this summer,i tried to practice my Spanish just same as her purpose. well , in fact I was totally freaked out, it was too diffenent from United Kindom and I'm not ready to learn new culture, new language. Mel sure did inspire me a lot in many ways.

Now she plans on living in Taiwan for the rest of her life.its so determined and clearly. I feel so happy to her and a little bit envy her, I guess wandering is congenial to my nature. i wandering everywhere even in my hometown. I always hope that i can find somewhere I belong.The first time I get lost in the nothingness inside of me was i just back form New York, I spent around 1 years to cure the wound. Life is struggle, but don't live it for anyone else but you. I know i'm not the only person with these things in mind,and i guess im going to keep wandering, the next journey im planing to visit Italy.

I start a new space to write something, just like Chester's lyric said: "i wanna heal. i wanna feel like i'm close to something real, i wanna find something i've wanted all along.' For me, writing is kind of treatment to cure,

Before i forget, i will try my best to record everything i want and enjoy every single day.